I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
