If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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