I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
