what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
