If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
