1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
