I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
