so that wasnt chicken after all
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
