Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
