I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
