I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
