I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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