you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
