my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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