i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
