I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
