Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
