12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
