Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
