If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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