Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
