pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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