there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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