just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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