That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
