Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
