Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I have tasted many bathrooms
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
