Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
