Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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