"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
