Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
