i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
