I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
