Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
