If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I FOUND THE LEGS
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
