so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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