her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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