I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize