You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Houston, we have a squirter
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
