also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
