The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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