You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
