Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
