Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
