I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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