I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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