i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
