Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
