adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
