respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
