That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
