No, drunk sperm still make babies.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
