ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
