so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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