he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
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