Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize