so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
