You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
