Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
