I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize