I could have mohawked her pubes.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize