Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
