just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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