Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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